Unconfirmed sources have released the following transcript of a conversation allegedly caught on a hot mic between Jim Nance and Sir Nick Faldo:
Nance:
Sir Nick, I've just been handed an unconfirmed report saying that Kenny Ogden has won the Oak Hill C.C. Bowling Championship. What do you make of that?
Sir Nick:
Brilliant, Jim. Oak Hill is an iconic club with a storied tradition of hosting major championship golf. Who knew they even had bowling lanes? Is that true?
Nance:
It's true Sir Nick. It's one of their hidden secrets. Zinger and I were just discussing his visit to Oak Hill a few years ago. He can confirm the lanes exists. I think he even bowled a game. Weren't you there recently yourself Sir Nick?
Sir Nick:
That's right, Jim. I was. But I've tried to erase that memory from my mind. Had almost forgotten about it until you brought it. Of course, I remember Oak Hill. The Ryder Cup at Oak Hill is the site of one of my career highlights but that last trip to Rochester was utter bollocks!! They dragged me out to some hole where I stood around all day like a wanker and had my picture taken. I never had to deal with that nonsense when Fanny was around.
Nance :
Sounds rough Sir Nick.
Sir Nick:
Bloody right it was.
Nance:
Let's get back to Oggie. What do you make of this victory?
Sir Nick:
I'm gobsmacked, Jim. At this late stage of his career? It's been a long time since he was on the PBA tour and he had to fight back from a devastating wrist injury. He must have had one hell of a trainer.
Nance:
Do you think this makes up for the cart condom incident?
Sir Nick:
Cart condom incident?
Nance:
I
heard Kenny showed up to a fall captain and crew game with a cart, cart
cover and a heater. Temperature wasn't even under 50 degrees! Won all the money and didn't even feel bad about it.
Sir Nick:
Bollocks! Jim, bollocks! No, this win not erase that memory. Kenny will never live that down. But let's not go down that road. Let him celebrate a championship.Nance:
Fair point. Where does he go from here, Sir Nick?
Sir Nick:
Well, from here on out it's all gravy isn't it Jim? He's not getting any younger.
This could be big. I can see taking this momentum right into the golf season. He's got all the talent you could ask for and you can't buy this kind of confidence. You have to earn it, dig it out of the dirt. It's what we all search for Jim. It's why we play the game. I know right now it's brass monkeys in Rochester but I have no doubt Oggie will be working hard on his golf game now that bowling season is behind him.
Nance:
So does this opens the floodgates?
Sir Nick:
In 1968 The Monkees Released "I'm a Believer". Let's go with that. The floodgates are open, Jim, the floodgates are open. Cheers Kenny!
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| Ken Ogden in all his cart condom glory |
